Bored With Sex? Want More Sleep? Your Menopause Questions

When gynecologist and Flow Advisor Dr. Maria Sophocles was going through menopause, she saw her four kids sitting in a circle and eavesdropped on their family meeting.

“What’s wrong with mom?” one of them asked.

“Mom has a disease,” her daughter whispered. “It’s called menopause.”

Her son started crying. “Is she gonna die?”

“She’s not gonna die,” her daughter responded. “It’s just gonna last for a little while and she’ll be fine eventually.”

In any other house, this might be an unusual encounter. But perhaps, when your mom is a gynecologist who specializes in menopause and sexual health — and who has even given a TED talk on the bedroom gap — these kinds of conversations are as common as they should be. That’s why we asked Dr. Sophocles some of our most yearning questions about menopause and sex for our latest epsiode of ‘Asking for a Friend.’

Dr. Sophocles’ Favorite Sex Toys

Dr. Sophocles was eager to offer advice about what to do when “getting pleasure out of sex has become a chore.” In fact, she even brought props.

“I love talking about sex toys,” she admitted, “and I just happened to have brought a bag with me.” Inside, there was a suction-based toy for clitoral stimulation, a discrete USB-powered vibrator disguised as a lipstick (“a working woman’s go-to buddy”), and the Ohnut — a silicone ring that goes over a penis to prevent pain from too-deep penetration, which can be a lifeline for women with endometriosis, who have had cancer, or otherwise have had their vaginal length compromised.

“Sex toys have had their own revolution,” Dr. Sophocles reflected. “When I was training in the nineties, women had big, hard, ugly, scary, threatening vibrators, and they were noisy, and they all looked like penises. But today, more and more sex toys are designed by women.”

And if you’re experiencing a decline in libido, Dr. Sophocles had some bookish advice. Although two FDA-approved treatments are available, Dr. Sophocles also recommends “bibliotherapy, meaning bringing erotic content into the brain.”

That’s right: The answer to your low libido might just be waiting in “books, movies, magazine articles.”

Cooling Off From Night Sweats

If you’re suffering from night sweats, you’re likely looking to cool things off in bed, instead of heating them up. Dr. Sophocles recommended a few fixes.

First up: Evaluating your linens. “There are specific fabrics that wick moisture off of the skin,” she explained, and you might find better sheets and pajamas to handle the heat. You also might want to invest in a cooling mattress pad to lower the temperature. Hormonal and non-hormonal treatments can also might provide relief.

There are also devices that can help, such as the Embr Wave — a wearable device produced by Embr Labs, and for which Dr. Sophocles is the Chief Medical Officer. The device, invented by three MIT grad students, “actually goes to the brain from the wrist receptions and stops the hot flash from happening.”