When I was a tween going through puberty, I was plagued with ravenously growing dark hair that spread all over my pasty white skin with a vengeance. The year was 1990, and like many girls in the early 90’s,my options to tame the jungle were limited. I was in my hairy monster era, which was exacerbated by low self-esteem caused by negative comments (including one from a teacher!).
My mom assured me that my facial and body hair would fade, but of course teenage girls don’t listen to their mothers. It was a time of depilatories and razors, but in truth, patience was our only option (raise your hand if your mom begged you not to shave your arms but you did anyway…and she was right – it did grow back worse).
The years ticked by, and more self-conscious things popped out of my body diverting the attention away from my follicles. Then one day the laser came to town. Shortly after we all chanted “Donna Martin graduates,” laser hair removal became commercially available. However, as with any brand new cosmetic procedure, it was *extremely* expensive. But my mom was amazing and somehow agreed to let me get it. The results were decent, but it was a new technology, and my pre-baby oven body was still evolving (read: it grew back).
When I got to college, I learned both the keys to the universe and that my chin hair (also) wanted to party. How many more places could I be in follicular overdrive? I found an electrolysis person I trusted and spent more time with her than I would like to admit – paying by the minute, as a matter of fact.
With my degree psychology – and honorary degree in trichology – I entered into the adult world. From there I met my husband, got married, got pregnant (hormones!), got pregnant again (hormones!), got pregnant a third time (hormones!), and now I’m 46. Something that happened was that my arm hair did fade (moms are always right!). What I didn’t know was that my hormones, and my hair growth, would go wild again one more time.
Now we introduce….perimenopause hormones! I think I’m going through puberty again. Or did I just get to the top of the hill and now I’m over it? All of a sudden, my chin pubes are back. WHY?!!! And what is going on with my neck? Do the hairs just multiply at night like bunnies?
I thought it was just me, and that maybe my third kid pregnancy hormones just got lost taking the post-pregnancy off-ramp, but it seems it is not. (Also, he’s now eight.) However, it appears I’m not alone and this hair resurgence is more prevalent than we thought.
But, like almost every subject in the deep cornucopia of women’s health topics, we don’t discuss this either. In fact, my validation came from an episode of The Drew Barrymore Show when she randomly discussed chin hair as a symptom of perimenopause.
So, what’s a busy girl to do in 2024 (between driving carpool) with a million hair removal options? Since I found electrolysis the most effective, I began there. But finding someone was not easy. Unfortunately, like corded phones, electrolysis’ time-consuming expensive single-zap tanked as laser prices dipped and prevalence soared. Standing my ground with follicular PTSD, I found someone who started on my chin and insisted on doing my upper lip as well…against my wishes. But it’s hard to protest when someone has a needle in your face.
I found someone else after that who I liked much more. After a few more electrolysis sessions, she convinced me that laser was as effective, quicker, and cheaper. I liked all of those words, so I gave in. Just get these freaking hairs off of my face!
Now at 46, I’m back to the beginning, getting laser hair removal. Some days I think I’m growing a beard… but you know what? It’s happening to all of us! Yep! Just like how you pee in your pants when you laugh (or sneeze, or jump, or are awake…), we’re all plagued with chin pubes in midlife. Call your friend from high school. She’ll sheepishly admit it too.
I’m not sure how long it’ll take to get rid of these interlopers (and my gosh, it takes everything in me not to pluck them between treatments), but so help me I can’t be that lady in the old age home with stray chin hairs or look like a teenage boy on my 50th birthday.
Stacey Wallenstein is the founder of the parenting, travel, lifestyle, beauty & food blog/channel The Mint Chip Mama. Visit her website at themintchipmama.com and find her across all socials at @themintchipmama.